There’s an old joke about a rich man who encounters a poor, starving man on the street. The starving man says, “I haven’t eaten for two days”. The rich man replies “Well then, force yourself.”
There are few things more galling than receiving flatulent, clichéd and unsolicited advice, delivered from a position of comfort, to somebody in a very bad spot that the advice-giver has never experienced themselves. And when times are hard and you’re really on the ropes, that advice is at its most plentiful. Or at least, that’s how it seems.
If you’re truly struggling right now, the most annoying advice you’ll likely receive is that meaningless and infuriating word, “Pivot”. It’s a fashionable thing to say, just like “Have a nice day” when you don’t really care how that person’s day goes, or indeed if they fall into a hole in the ground.
At these moments it’s probably a good idea to count to three, although you shouldn’t do it aloud, because if you do in fact end up punching the person, it shows premeditation.
Pivoting was actually a medieval torture, involving a long, pointed spike and a chair – I won’t go into details – but I think I speak for every person currently sifting through the wreckage of their lives, jobs and businesses when I say that I’d like to see some of these boofheads – or possibly all of them – slowly rotating on the Pivot in a similar position. For extra points they should have to repeat their own platitudes in a shrill voice, over and over again, while unhurriedly revolving.
You are under no obligation to “Pivot”. You can be mad as hell first, for as long as you like. Then you can pivot, or backflip, or shuffle, or leap prettily, or do the hokey pokey. Your options are not constrained. And you certainly don’t have to follow the windy “Pivot” advice from some blowhard on Facebook that they probably got from some other blowhard on Facebook.
A lot of the advice you’ll see right now is self-promotional, and is intended to make you feel guilty or ignorant because you’re not following somebody else’s product or brand. Don’t fall for it. Nobody knows anything. And the people most qualified in this world, the people who really have been there and done that, will be the first to admit it.
You’re also under no obligation to listen to every word people pour into your ear. Be polite by all means, but unless the person has really done the mileage and has already gotten to that magical place where you yourself very much want to be, open up the other ear and let their words flow through onto the ground without polluting your brain. It’s your brain, after all. You get to decide what goes into it.
And if people keep chasing you around the room with unwanted advice, get yourself a spiked chair – you may have to build it yourself – and teach them how to Pivot.
